Taming of the Scarecrow
by Aloria-Catalonia
Summary: It was no secret that Commissioner Gordon had the two hottest sons in Gotham City....Slash, AU, Joker/Jonathan Crane rated for safety. story loosely based off of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew
1. Chapter 1

It was no secret that Commissioner Gordon had the two hottest sons in Gotham City. It was also no secret that they had their fair number of suitors.

Bruce loved the attention. Jonathan, not so much.

The two boys were almost complete opposites of each other. Bruce was tall, athletic, and flirtatious while Jonathan was not quite as tall, scholarly, and liked to be left the hell alone. While Bruce enjoyed being around those that found him attractive, Jonathan prefered to make them curl up in a corner sobbing to themselves. Or screaming.

This became an issue to Gordon, for he feared he's never marry off his eldest son. In a desperate effort, he posted all over Gotham that Bruce would not be allowed to marry until Jonathan was. And given Bruce's large fanbase who wanted him all to themselves, this became a major issue. But Gordon held to his word, and all attempts at wooing Bruce were ended. And given Jonathan's ability to drive potential suitors insane or at least away, they were at a stalemate.

Needless to say, Bruce's suitors were getting desperate.

"Look, all I'm saying is that we need somebody to marry Jonathan to have a chance at Bruce. Since there's no willing volunteers, we need to find somebody that stupid or desperate," though Selina didn't enjoy working with her competition, it was because of this exact reason that she was, indeed, brainstorming ideas with them.

"Well, we can't just grab any random smuck and shove them in Jonathan's direction," Harvy replied. "We need to find somebody crazy enough to deal with the man's ability to psychologically break people down."

Edward, who'd been puzzling it over in a corner suddenly jumped up with a grin.

"I know just the guy!"


	2. Chapter 2

"As I've said before, Bruce is studying." Gordon contemplated slaming the door and ignoring the three suitors on his deck, but propriety wouldn't let him. Plus, he'd seen his son associate with them before, and he didn't need his youngest child any angrier at him.

"We know that, we just—"

Whatever Edward had been about to say was forgotten as another man strode past them, slaming the door open and causing Gordon to jump back a few feet.

"Good evening, Commissioner. Rumor has it that you have a blue-eyed devil yer itchin' ta marry off."

Gordon took a minute to take in the sight of the strange man in his kitchen; tall, green-haired, clad in a purple suit with makeup covering his face.

Well, he definitely seemed crazy enough.

"You mean Jonathan?" Gordon wasn't sure if he wanted this man to succeed or not.

Joker stood there expectingly, and Gordon finally lead him upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Joker ran a hand through his hair and licked his lips before entering the room. He was met with the sight of Jonathan, sitting amongst papers and vials .

His first thought was that Edward apparently hadn't been exaggerating the boy's appearance.

"Hello, beautiful," he whistled.

Jonathan didn't even look up.

Unphased by the lack of a response, Joker calmly approached.

"What'cha doing there, Jonny?"

Jonathan struggled to keep his focus on the papers before him, but the task grew harder as the other man plopped himself down right next to him.

"The quiet type, eh? Well, that's so boring, Jonny. Didn't peg ya as the type. Not from what I've heard about ya, anyways." His mouth spread into a grin. "I've heard a lot about ya, Jonny-boy. Apparently you've frightened away a great number of suitors. Which is good for me, ya know. Wanna know why, Jonny?" He poked the other man's cheek. Jonathan smacked the hand away.

"Stop calling me Jonny. My name is Jonathan."

"That so, Jonny?" Joker giggled.

Jonathan raised his head to glare at the man, but paused when he took in his appearance. Joker frowned.

"You look nervous. Is it the scars?" A dangerous glint rose in his eyes. "Ya wanna know how I got them?"

"Not particularly." Jonathan rose, wanting to get to the other side of his room where his mask and finished toxin lay. He only managed a few steps before he was yanked down and placed in the Joker's lap.

"Where ya going, Jonny-boy? We're just getting started."

"Let me go!" Jonathan struggled, trying to break out of the Joker's hold.

"So he's got some fight after all!" The giggling increased in volume as the struggling grew more violent. "I think I like you, Jonny. Good thing, too, since we're getting married and all. Sunday good for you?"

Finally managing to break free, Jonathan jumped away.

"I'll be hanged on a Sunday first!" And with that, he yanked on his mask and sprayed Joker directly in the face with his toxin.

The resulting laughter was enough to draw the attention of everybody in the house.

"Is that how ya scared everybody else away, Jonny?" Joker asked, still giggling on the floor. Blue eyes stared in shock from the bed as Jonathan held the mask in his hands.

"I must admit, I'm disappointed." Joker sat up, still grinning at the boy on the bed. "Here I was thinking you were a master of fear, when really you're less intimidating than a scarecrow."

The resulting glare would've made saner men flee in terror.

"That's more like it."

"Jonathan?" Gordon poked his head in the door, a small crowd of people visible behind him. "Is everything alright? We heard--"

"Everything's just peachy, Commissioner." Joker stood up, still grinning. "Jonny-boy here just agreed to a Sunday wedding."

All eyes fell on Jonathan, who merely grumbled in response.

"See you then, Darling."

Joker's playful pat on the head was met with an empty toxin container hitting his head as he went out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Jonathan fidgeted with the cuff of his suit jacket. It looked quite a bit like one of his usual ones, so it didn't bother him at all. In fact, it made him slightly more comfortable with this whole thing.

What was bothering him was that Joker was a good two hours late. He didn't care, mind you, since he hadn't wanted this entire wedding fiasco in the first place, but since his father had gone through so much trouble to set this all up, it would be a terrible waste to have to tear it all down because he'd managed to scare the Joker off unintentionally.

Even if it was his intention when he'd wound up agreeing to this whole thing.

And he was certainly not feeling hurt at this moment. No, he was just feeling irritated at being forced away from his experiments for a guy who wasn't even bothering to show for his own wedding. At least, that was the excuse he gave everyone as he stormed through the building, locking himself back in his room.

As he tried filling his mind with thoughts of formulas and chemicals, he ignored the voice in the back of his mind telling him that he was apparently too screwed up for the most screwed up person he'd ever come across.

Another hour passed before one of the servants came up to tell him his fiancee had arrived. The man was promptly gassed for using that ridiculous word.

Gordon came up ten minutes later, when the screams had stopped, and led Jonathan to the wedding ceremony nobody would be able to forget.


	5. Chapter 5

The car swerved through traffic, and though he feared for his life, Jonathan stubbornly glared out the window, arms crossed. Joker watched him intently from the seat next to him, seemingly unphased by the driving being done by the woman in the front seat—Harley, Jonathan believed her name was.

"You punched the priest in the face," Jonathan finally said. Joker raised an eyebrow.

"He was eyeing ya. I didn't appreciate that."

"You were three hours late."

"I'd just massacred a hospital. I needed a new suit."

"You showed up covered in blood."

"I couldn't find another suit."

"Then you laughed at the vows and didn't even kiss me!"

Joker smirked, running a finger down Jonathan's cheek. He twitched in response.

"Did ya want me to?"

"No," Jonathan bat the hand away, glaring at his husband.

"Then why are ya so worked up over it?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You totally are. And really, I can't blame ya." Striking a pose in the limited space, he winked at Jonathan, who buried his face in his hands.

"Go to hell."

Joker frowned.

"That doesn't sound like a very fun honeymoon."


	6. Chapter 6

Jonathan could not believe his eyes when he stepped out of the car and got his first good look at where he'd be living.

"Home sweet home, eh, Jonny?"

Jonathan's mouth opened a few times as if to speak, but nothing came out. Joker giggled, throwing an arm around Jonathan's shoulders and leading him inside.

"It's a warehouse," he finally managed.

"Yep."

"An old warehouse."

"We've been fixing it up," Joker shrugged. "C'mon. Lemmie show you to our room."

Jonathan's mind went blank at that, realization suddenly dawning. He allowed himself to be led across the open space to the stairs, then up to a door that, Jonathan assumed, led to the Joker's bedroom. Their bedroom.

Joker playfully shoved Jonathan closer to the door, smiling.

"Go on, open it!" He giggled.

Hesitantly, Jonathan did so.

The room itself was nice, he supposed, as he entered and looked around. Almost everything was some shade of purple, from the floor to the curtains. Everything but the sheets, which were red.

The door closed behind Joker, who chucked his coat in a random direction in the room. Jonathan was too focused on the lava lamp in the corner to notice Joker approaching from behind until the man's arms were already wrapped around his waist. He stiffened.

"I've killed people with that," Joker grinned.

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

"Really? Does this surprise you?" Joker nuzzled Jonathan's neck, smearing some of his face paint in the process. Jonathan twitched.

"Not….not really."

Joker frowned.

"How about this then?"

Joker spun Jonathan around so quickly that it took him a moment to realize that while one hand was still at his waist, the other was now tangled in his hair. Oh, and that there was a tongue that most definitely was not his own in his mouth.

Jonathan did the only thing he could think of. He flailed.

Joker eventually pulled away, licking his lips.

"Bet ya weren't expecting that."

"I…" Jonathan paused, milling it over. "No. No, I hadn't."

Joker grinned triumphantly.

"But I'm not really that surprised."

The grin faded.

"That so?"

And he suddenly smacked Jonathan in the face with a pillow.

"Were you surprised by that?"


	7. Chapter 7

Jonathan lay curled up on his side of the bed, back to the Joker. After the war the pillow fight has escalated to (Jonathan felt sorry for whoever had to clean the feathers that now littered the bedroom floor, and was thankful Joker had some spare pillows for the bed) the two had called a truce in favor of going to bed. Not that sleeping was anywhere on Joker's mind.

Joker poked Jonathan's back.

"Your gonna strangle yourself wearing all that clothing, ya know."

Jonathan glanced at his attire, wishing he knew where his bag ended up. He'd removed his jacket somewhere in the flurry of feathers, but other than remove his tie, shoes and socks, he was still fully dressed.

Joker, to put it simply, was not.

"C'mon, Jonny….this is our honeymoon."

"Abandoned warehouses aren't my idea of a honeymoon."

"Ahah! We're living in it, so it's not abandoned."

Jonathan rolled his eyes.

"It was abandoned before."

"But now it's not, so your argument is no longer valid."

"My point still stands."

"Oh come on, Jonny."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because," Jonathan rolled over to face the Joker, fighting a bush as he came closer to the other man's naked skin." I've only known you for a little under a week. We've only interacted for less than two of those days. And I don't want to."

Joker pouted.

"But we're married." He held up his hand with the ring. "See?" He grabbed Jonathan's hand, matching band clinking against his.

"And you were three hours late to our wedding."

"You're still sore about that? Don't be such a girl, Jonny."

"I said no," Jonathan removed his hand from Joker's, rolling back to face the wall. Joker sighed softly, before curling up to his husband and wrapping his arms around him. Jonathan tensed, but didn't move away.

There was silence for a while, before Joker suddenly giggled.

"Hey, Jonny? Can you sleep in commando? I know people go commando a lot, but sleeping…"

Jonathan sighed.

"I believe they just call that sleeping in the nude."

Joker pouted.

"Well, that's boring."


	8. Chapter 8

Jonathan woke to find a semi-clothed Joker staring at him. Deciding to follow his third thought's advice (first and second being "what the hell?" and "hey, he's not wearing makeup") he pulled the blanket over his face and attempted to return to sleep.

"Uh-uh!" Joker giggled, ripping the covers off the bed. "Early to bed, early to rise, Jonny."

"It was past midnight when we went to bed. What about that was early?"

"It was earlier than I wanted to go to sleep. So, I figured you could make it up to me by waking earlier than you wanted to."

"How does that even make sense?"

"C'mon now, Jonny. We've got things to do."

Muttering to himself, Jonathan sat up. Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he fumbled around for his glasses with the other.

Joker already left the room when he looked up again, so he got to his feet, nearly tripping over his bag that'd mysteriously appeared in the center of the room. Joker must've brought it in when he'd been asleep.

Grabbing a new outfit, he made his way to the bathroom, locating it after opening a few doors down the hallway. Setting his clothes neatly on the corner of the sink, he turned on the water for the shower. He frowned. It was ice cold.

"Something wrong, Jonny?" Jonathan turned to find Joker leaning against the door frame.

"There doesn't appear to be any hot water."

"Really?" Joker raised an eyebrow. "Must be something wrong with the pipes. It is an old building, after all." He smiled. "I'll get somebody on it while we're out."

Jonathan sighed, shutting the water off. He moved his clothes from the sink to the lid of the toilet, setting his glasses on top before turning on the faucet to wash his face. By the time Jonathan managed to get rid of all traces of the other man's makeup from his face, Joker had disappeared again. He quickly grabbed a towel to wipe his face, frowning at the dampness of it.

"That bastard."


	9. Chapter 9

Joker's driving, Jonathan learned, was really not any better than Harley's had been. He tried to focus on taking deep, calming breaths while holding on for dear life.

"So, where are we going?"

"Patience is a virtue, Jonny."

Jonathan's retort was cut off by a sudden turn. In the back seat, Harley giggled, and Jonathan found himself questioning her sanity more than he already had.

After about half an hour of hectic driving, they arrived at the boating docks. Joker pulled up beside a dilapidated warehouse and cut the engine.

"Are you going to tell me what this is all about now?" Jonathan asked.

"Nope. Harl, watch the car."

"Yes, Mistah J!" The girl saluted.

Joker puled Jonathan's mask out of his jacket, tossing it to him as they left the car.

"Put that on and follow me."

Jonathan sighed, doing as he was told.

Inside, there were several men wearing clown masks. The few that weren't abruptly stood up when they caught sight of the Joker.

"Good evening, gentleman. And," he pointed to one of the clowns, "lady. You all know why we're here, so let's get to business."

A few of the masked men escorted the non-mask men to a back room. Joker made his way there as well, Jonathan attempting to follow. Joker stopped him.

"Wait here. I'll only be a minute."

Biting back a sarcastic 'Yes, dear,' Jonathan focused his attention on the condition of the warehouse. Leaning against a relatively sturdy-looking support beam, he came to the conclusion that, if nothing else, at least Joker had picked one of the better ones to live in. Jonathan probably would've killed himself if he'd had to sleep in one that looked like this.

When his focus returned to the room, he was hit suddenly with the realization that everyone was staring at him. He shifted slightly, arms crossed tightly against his chest.

One of the masked men approached, tilting his head to the side as he looked Jonathan up and down.

"So, you're the new meat brought in by the Jokes?"

Jonathan straightened in an attempt to look intimidating. The man didn't seem to notice.

"And such an ugly mask," the man stepped closer, unable to see the glare shot his way. "I bet it's to hide an ugly face."

The mask was ripped off without warning. The man whistled.

"Guess I was wrong," the man leaned in. "Your place or mine, sexy?"

Jonathan had never wished for a can of fear toxin so much in his life.


	10. Chapter 10

Jonathan inspected the tears on his mask. They'd require stitching, he knew, but the total damage hadn't been that bad.

Not for him, anyway.

"…Jonny?"

Looking up, Jonathan smiled at the confused expression on Joker's face.

"Yes?"

"Why are several of my men attempting to hide under furniture? And…" He took a good look at Jonathan, licking his lips. "…why are you bleeding?"

Jonathan ran the back of his hand along a cut on his cheek, frowning. He shrugged.

"Funny story, actually. You see, that man there," he pointed at the masked man attempting to bury himself under the concrete floor, "hit on me. I didn't appreciate that, and demonstrated just how unappreciative I was," he gestured to a broken chair nearby. "Those other guys didn't approve of my method and had to be dealt with."

Joker raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't give you any of your toxin."

"I improvised. Then I gave them a very thorough talking-to." He smiled. "Don't worry. I doubt there will be any repeat incidences."

"By 'thorough taking-to' you mean you psychologically broke them apart?"

"Those that didn't run away," Jonathan shrugged. "It's what I do."

Joker quickly closed the distance between them, giving Jonathan a short, passionate kiss.

"I love you."

"That's nice," Jonathan cleared his throat, shifting. "Can we leave now?"

"Just a minute, dear," Joker stepped back, removing a switchblade from his jacket. He turned to the man whimpering on the floor. "I've got some personal business to take care of."

He knelt beside the cowering man, removing the mask.

"I swear I didn't know he was your husband!" The man stammered.

"Shh, shh. Story time. I'm gonna tell ya how I got these scars…"


	11. Chapter 11

With Harley back behind the wheel, Jonathan was a little calmer. She, at least, stopped at red lights.

Joker refused to tell him what the meeting had been about, instead insisting that they go somewhere for breakfast, ignoring Jonathan's protests that it was past noon, and therefore lunch would be more appropriate.

They'd stopped at several places so far, Joker complaining each time they were told that breakfast was no longer being served. His method of complaining, it seemed, involved violent tantrums that left several people injured, if not dead. Jonathan hadn't had the time to check, as he'd been struggling to get his husband out of the vicinity.

"Truly unbelievable! Ain't business suppose ta be about the customer?" Joker ranted, encouraged by Harley's responses up front.

Jonathan rubbed his forehead, trying to tune Joker out. At this point, he didn't care where they ate, as long as Joker would just calm down. The entire situation was becoming ridiculous.

"—gourmet chefs. Right, Jonny?" Joker looked at him expectingly. Jonathan blinked.

"Absolutely."

"Glad ya see it from my point of view," he giggled. "All right, Harl, drop us off here."

"Yes, Mistah J!" She pulled into the parking lot of what appeared to be a rundown diner. Joker jumped out, Jonathan following suit with another sigh. He got about three steps away from the car before it suddenly took off.

"What the…"

"She's got a play-date with her friend Pam," Joker explained, taking Jonathan's hand. "C'mon. They have really good burgers here."

Jonathan raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you wanted breakfast."

"It's too late for that now. C'mon."


	12. Chapter 12

The inside of the diner was much nicer than Jonathan had expected. Each row of tables had a wall separating it from the next and the backs of the seats were high, blocking the view from one table to the next. Jonathan assumed it was for the privacy of the customer, and considering the diner was in the Narrows, he was pretty sure as to why.

They were quickly escorted to a corner table in the back and left to look over the menus as their waitress fetched them coffee. Joker giggled.

"Hey, Jonny, ya know what corner booths are also known as?"

"What?" Jonathan asked, staring at the sandwich list and wondering if the 'Squirrel Burger' was exactly what it sounded like.

"The make-out booth."

Jonathan ignored the hand that set on top of his in favor of the combos list. Joker pouted, squeezing the hand a little.

"We're in public," Jonathan pointed out.

"So? We're also in a secluded booth."

"You're not kissing me in public while you're wearing that makeup."

Joker frowned.

"What's wrong with my makeup?"

"The fact that I don't look that great with it smeared across my face."

Joker pouted again before the waitress came to take their orders. He excused himself, returning makeupless a few minutes later.

"How about now?"

"And what if the waitress comes back?"

"Then she'll get quite the view," he giggled. Realizing Jonathan didn't appreciate the joke, he cleared his throat. "Don't worry, Jonny. I'm a regular here. They know not to bother me when I'm in a corner booth."

"You've made-out with people here before?"

"Yep, in fact I…" Joker caught Jonathan's glare, mentally smacking himself in the head. "I…er…not since I met you, hun."

Jonathan didn't reply, just calmly took a sip of his coffee.

"I swear, the last person I brought here was Harley."

"Oh, that makes me feel better."

"I…I, uh, swear they didn't mean anything."

"That's nice."

Their orders arrived then. Joker was incredibly thankful. He bit into his burger, trying to think up a strategy.

"How are your chicken tenders?"

"Fine," Jonathan's voice was flat. Joker sighed.

"Come on, I even took the makeup off for ya."

"I said no."

"Have not."

"Well, I'm saying it now."


	13. Chapter 13

While ultimately unsuccessful in the resturant, Joker managed to steal a quick kiss as they made their way back home. The warehouse was just outside the Narrows, so it didn't even take them an hour to arrive.

Harley was still out, it seemed. Joker claimed he didn't expect her back any time soon.

After re-applying his makeup, Joker plopped down in front of the tv, flipping thought the channels, before one caught his attention.

"Look, Jonny! Your brother's on the news!"

And he was. Apparently since the wedding, Bruce had gotten fifty-three proposals. Alfred, Bruce's personal butler (he'd been Jonathan's as well, for a time) waved a golf club threateningly at the reporters trying to get too close for an interview. Jonathan laughed. He knew there'd been a reason he liked the man.

Jonathan joined Joker in watching, sitting himself in the fold-out chair next to his. The two giggled as a few of Bruce's suitors were interviewed. Harvey, it seemed, had dropped out of the running, for a reason he was unwilling to specify. Rachael, a girl Jonathan remembered from childhood (it was hard to forget a girl that would scream that your hobby was unethical and cling to your brother as you threatened her with said hobby) had apparently taken Harvey's place in the chase to grab Bruce's attention. Jonathan mentally wished for her to die in a fire.

A knock interrupted Selina's explanation of a rich ex of hers she was willing to marry, should Bruce decide to marry someone other than her. Jonathan made as to answer the door, but was stopped by Joker.

"That's just my boys. Would you mind waiting upstairs while I take care of a few things?"

Jonathan shrugged, hesitantly making his way to the stairs as several men entered, wheeling in boxes. Too far away to get a decent look at the labels, he decided he didn't want to know and entered the bedroom.

For lack of anything better to do, Jonathan emptied his suitcase onto the bed, sorting and refolding his clothes before making his way to the closet. Several items narrowly missed his head as the door opened, including what looked suspiciously like a cheese grater. Jonathan frowned, removing his jacket and tie before getting to work organizing the mess before him.


	14. Chapter 14

Jonathan was lying on the bed reading when Joker entered the room, a look of confusion on his face.

"Why is there a box of stuff outside the bedroom door?"

Jonathan turned the page.

"I organized your closet, dressers, and the space under the bed. The things out there I feel confident about getting rid of."

"…okay," he shrugged. He'd find a way to sneak the stuff back in later. He stepped closer to the bed. "What're ya reading?"

"I'm not really sure. I found it under the bed."

Lying down next to Jonathan, Joker glanced at the page, frowning.

"What language is that?"

"French."

"I don't know French."

Jonathan looked at him.

"Then why do you have this book?"

"No idea." Jonathan rolled his eyes and continued reading. A few minutes passed in silence, before Joker sighed.

"This is boring."

"I'm sure you can find something to entertain yourself."

"But I want you to entertain me."

"I've been with you all day," Jonathan turned the page again. "I want to read."

"Too bad." Joker yanked the book from his husband's hands, chucking it across the room. Something smashed as it landed, but neither paid it any attention.

"I was reading that," Jonathan glared.

"And now you're not." Joker pounced, pinning Jonathan on his back. "Now you can entertain me."

"Well, I don't feel like being entertaining."

"Course ya do. You just don't know it yet."

"I'm fairly certain I don't." Jonathan attempted to get out from under the Joker, but lacked the physical strength to push him off. Joker shifted to more efficiently pin Jonathan down before removing his glasses. Jonathan took a deep breath, glaring up at the slightly blurred form of his smiling husband.

The door opened, catching both of their attentions. A man Jonathan vaguely remembered from the meeting earlier appeared, panting.

"Boss, there are several men outside waving guns."

"Mob men?" Joker asked, sitting up.

"Possibly. They look pissed."

"I see. Is that all?"

"Er….yes?"

Pulling a gun from the headboard, Joker quickly shot the man, getting off the bed with a sigh. Jonathan sat up, putting his glasses back on.

"We'll continue this later," Joker tossed him a toxin can. Jonathan picked up his mask from the side table, ignoring the comment.

"Shall we?" He gestured to the door.

"After you, Darling."


	15. Chapter 15

The mob men had been easy to deal with. Quite boring, actually. Though Jonathan was amused by one of the men who'd attempted to rip his own arm off in terror.

Settling back in front of the television as the remaining henchmen cleaned up the mess and Joker ran off to do…some Jokerish thing, Jonathan flipped through the channels in an attempt to find something that didn't make him roll his eyes in disgust. He settled on a crime channel, where some psychologist was talking about a scale of evil he'd created. Having studied psychology himself, Jonathan was fascinated with the cases that were examined.

He was snapped back into reality when a pair of arms wrapped around him, head resting on his shoulder.

"He thinks those crimes were bad? He should see us in action," Joker giggled.

"Where were you?"

"Ordering pizza. I got plain pepperoni since I didn't know what you liked."

"You could've asked."

"Yeah, but you were here and I was over there and it just would've been a hassle. Besides, I like pepperoni."

Ignoring the commercial flashing before him, Jonathan tilted his head to look at the Joker.

"You didn't strike me as the type to just get one topping."

"I'm a simple man," he smiled, standing up. "I have simple tastes."

Jonathan frowned.

"Then why chose to marry me?"

A smile.

"I like ya. Simple as that."


	16. Chapter 16

"That's it," Jonathan growled, sitting up to glare at the Joker. "You're sleeping on the couch."

"What'd I do?" Joker asked, rolling onto his back and rubbing his eyes.

"You know very well what you did!"

"I was just trying to cuddle."

"There's cuddling, then there's molesting your partner while they're trying to sleep. Couch."

Joker pouted.

"But we don't own a couch."

"The floor, then. I don't care."

"That's not very nice," he sat up. "Besides, this was originally my bed. You can't kick me off of it."

"Fine. I'll sleep on the floor." Throwing down a pillow, Jonathan tugged the blanket with him as he left the bed, settling into a relatively comfortable position on the carpet. "Good night."

"But….hey…"

"Good night."

When no more protests came from the bed, Jonathan shifted again, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. He managed, eventually, and was lost in a peaceful sleep until a snore woke him back up. Attempting to sit up, he found a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, holding him down. He settled back, thinking of pulling free and returning to the now vacant bed before the rhythmic sound of Joker's breathing lulled him back to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Wandering hands woke him up in the morning.

"Goddamnit, what did I tell you!"

"Good morning to you, too," Joker rolled his eyes. "I'm already on the floor, so you can't kick me off the bed."

"I'll kick you out of the bedroom and lock the door in just a minute."

"You never said I couldn't follow you to the floor."

Jonathan's hand moved up to cover his face as he sighed.

"I hate you."

"Don't be like that, Jonny." Joker stood, grinning. "Besides, I got a surprise for ya."

He offered Jonathan his hand, who took it hesitantly, and lead him downstairs and through a doorway.

Jonathan's mouth opened several times as he attempted to speak. Before him, there were tables and tables of chemicals, test tubes, and other equipment. His charts and notes were stacked neatly nearby. Joker cleared his throat.

"I thought, ya know, that you might get bored if I go out to cause chaos, and that you would, uh, appreciate a familiar setting." Joker coughed, as though he was slightly embarrassed. "That butler of your brother's actually helped me transfer the rest of your stuff here."

Jonathan couldn't find any words to express his appreciation. So he kissed him. Joker, while surprised, responded enthusiastically.

When they broke apart, Joker licked his lips.

"That went better than I expected. And I expected a lot."

Jonathan didn't respond, just started picking up things to examine them. Joker giggled.

"I'll leave you alone to play for a while."

Jonathan waved a hand to show he heard, staring to get engrossed in his formulas again. Joker made for the door, pausing, before turning.

"For the record, I think you look smashing with my makeup smeared across your face."

He giggled as Jonathan cursed, rubbing a sleeve over his face before picking up a pen and making alterations to the plans before him.


	18. Chapter 18

Okay, I originally wasn't going to put in an author's note until the very end, but I just can't not put one in anymore.

Thanks to everyone for such nice reviews! You have no clue how happy they're making me. Especially since I wasn't too sure about this story to begin with. I'm flattered to know an idea I came up with while sweeping the floor at work is so well liked. You guys have me actually putting an effort into this now. It's already gotten much longer than I expected, and I'm enjoying it more than I probably should.

Thanks again, and I hope you all continue to enjoy this story.

XDXDXDXDXDXD

"But I don't want to," Joker pouted.

"Well, too bad. You're coming in anyway."

"Can't I just wait out here?"

"No," Jonathan grabbed his hand, attempting to drag him inside. "Stop being so childish!"

"I don't wanna go in! You can't make me!"

"Fine," Jonathan crossed his arms. Joker smiled. "I'll get Harley to come help me. I'm sure she and Pam would love to help me pick out furniture."

The look that crossed Joker's face was absolutely priceless.

"You wouldn't."

"I will."

Jonathan smiled as Joker practically flew into the store, only to stop dead in his tracks. He turned to Jonathan.

"Why do we need furniture in the first place?" He tried.

"Because I'm sick of sitting on folding chairs and using my lap as a table. And," he stepped forward, leaning right into Joker's face, "because I said so."

Turning back to the displays, Jonathan walked down the showroom floor. Joker followed hesitantly behind him.

It only took ten minutes for them to start arguing.

"I told you no purple!"

Joker growled.

"But I like purple."

"I know! I've seen your room."

"What's wrong with purple, huh?"

"Nothing. Just that there are other colors out there in the world."

Joker crossed his arms, fixing a glare at Jonathan.

"You shot down green."

"Too bright."

"White."

"We'll be lucky if it stays that way longer than an hour."

"Black."

"Too hot."

"And maroon."

"Looks too much like purple."

"I like this couch."

"Says he who was throwing a tantrum about just entering the store," Jonathan glared. "We are not getting this couch."

"We are."

"No."

"We are," Joker growled, moving in close to Jonathan, glare matching his, "or I'm kissing you in public."

Jonathan blinked.

"What?"

"I'm gonna kiss you right here and now if we don't get this couch."

"What the heck kind of argument is that?"

"I'm not talking a quick peck here, Jonny," Joker moved forward as Jonathan tried to put space between them, licking his lips. "My makeup will be smeared all over your pretty face, and probably your jacket as well."

Jonathan's legs collided with a chair, Joker catching him before he fell, pulling him in close.

"Everyone will see, Jonny. People who weren't even here will see, and they'll just know…" he trailed off.

Jonathan failed horribly to stop the blush rising as his brain struggled to find a retort.

"You wouldn't."

Joker leaned in.

"I will."


	19. Chapter 19

He hated this couch. He really did.

Sitting in the far corner of one end with his arms crossed, Jonathan glared at the television. Joker was sprawled out in the center of the thing, giggling at whatever it was that was on. Jonathan wasn't really paying attention.

He'd picked out the rest of the furniture with minor input from Joker, even managing to throw a living room set together that didn't look too horrible with the purple couch, but he'd had almost no say where the furniture was set up.

The large room was now divided up into three spaces. The first was the living room-like area. In addition to the couch, there were two chairs set up to face the television and a coffee table set up in front of the couch, which, unfortunately, had the best view of the screen.

The next space was what could loosely be called a dining room. A marble table was set up with four chairs surrounding it. On the nearest wall were a china cabinet (minus the china. They'd do that shopping another day) and a side table that held two table cloths and matching napkins. Jonathan had purchased them without Joker's initial knowledge, though they would likely never be used, given the man's eating habits. But given the environment Jonathan had grown up in, he didn't feel quite right without them.

The final area was where Jonathan had chucked the folding chairs and milk crates, planning on getting rid of them later. His attention had turned to folding the tablecloths to fit properly into the side table. By the time he'd turned around, Joker had set the chairs up in a board meeting-type fashion.

Though Jonathan would've preferred to see the things gone, it was a good idea. He hadn't argued.

He still hated the couch, though.

Well, Jonathan sighed, shifting, at least it looked more like a home than the abandoned building he'd first walked into. He just prayed his father (or Bruce, for that matter) wouldn't come for a visit anytime soon. Or ever.

An explosion, followed by several screams, brought Jonathan's attention back to the screen as Joker laughed beside him. The sheer panic and terror of the people (the only bit of good acting Jonathan had seen so far) made Jonathan smile slightly. Joker seemed to take this as an invitation to slide closer.

"Told ya you'd like the movie."


	20. Chapter 20

One of the trials of being a genius was that your brain was always working, even as you slept.

One of the trials of being married to a genius was that you had to deal with them jumping out of bed in the middle of the night to find something to write on.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joker groaned, sitting up.

"Shh. This could actually totally work."

"What?"

"Explain later. Must write this down before the dream's gone."

"But--"

"Hush! Or else I'm testing this on you when it's done."

Joker raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. After a few minutes of frantic writing, Jonathan set the pen down.

"Are you coming back to bed now?"

"Are you kidding?" Jonathan asked, gathering the notes. "I have to start on this right away!"

Joker blinked at his husband's enthusiasm as he ran out the door, and eyed the clock. It hadn't even hit 3am yet.

Deciding he'll learn enough about it at a more reasonable hour, Joker lie back down, shifting a few times in an attempt to get comfortable again before falling back asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: I'd just like to mention that I have no clue how this chapter happened. It just sort of did… Well, with them both being stubborn and one of them being just a tad violent at times…yeah.

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It was noon before Joker made his way into Jonathan's lab, eyeing the bubbling beakers with caution. Jonathan was bent over a center table, notes sprawled over every available nearby surface, several pages crumpled on the floor around him. There was a look of frustration on his face as he squinted at the notes in front of him.

Joker walked forward, dangling his glasses before him.

"Ya forgot these."

"Thanks." Jonathan reached for his glasses, frowning when Joker yanked them away. "What?"

"Thank you, Darling."

"What?"

"I wanna hear you say it."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, returning to his notes.

"I don't need them that badly."

Joker pouted.

"Aww, c'mon."

"No."

Joker took a deep breath as he set the glasses down on the table behind him, walking calmly around the table.

Jonathan's eyes widened as Joker slammed him against the wall, growling.

"I've been very lenient with you so far, Jonny. But you're going to have to learn that I'm the man in this relationship."

Jonathan swallowed, nervous, but defiant.

"We're both men."

"Yes," Joker's grip tightened, "but I proposed."

"Waltzing into my bedroom and stating that we're getting married the following Sunday can hardly be considered proposing." Jonathan struggled, lashing out before his arms were roughly pinned behind his back, hurting, with Joker's body too close to arc away.

"Spraying an entire can of toxin into my face could hardly be considered accepting, yet here we are, married." Joker smiled, but it lacked any hint of amusement.

"I would hardly call this a marriage," Jonathan retorted, hissing in pain as he was pressed into the wall with more force.

"That I can agree with. I just want you to say one, tiny little thing, and look where we end up."

Jonathan struggled again, trying to get some pressure off his back and arms. Joker yanked him forward just long enough for him to move his arms before he was slammed back to the wall. He forced himself not to cry out.

He didn't realize he'd been released until he'd slid down the wall, hitting the floor as the door slammed behind the Joker. Jonathan winced as he moved his arms, eyeing the bruises there, and could only imagine what his back looked like.

He stood as calmly as he could, dusting off his jacket, despite there being nobody there watching, and moved to turn off the burners in the room. He realized he was shaking as he reached the last one, and placed both hands on the table, trying to calm down, forcing himself to breathe. As he reached to turn off the final burner, the glass beaker caught his attention. The chemical within it had turned a very familiar shade of green.

The glass shattered against the far wall, contents running down, staining it, but Jonathan didn't notice.

He was too busy biting back the scream as he curled onto the floor, holding his burned hand against his chest.


	22. Chapter 22

Hours had passed before Joker sauntered back into the warehouse, bruised, slightly cut up, but smiling. He bee-lined to the couch, moving to turn on the TV before the laboratory door caught his attention. He frowned, before approaching it, hesitating. He took a deep breath, knocking.

"Jonny?"

There was no reply, which really didn't surprise him. He bit the inside of his lower lip as he reached for the doorknob, opening it slowly, cautiously, before entering. He didn't get a full step inside before he froze, taking in the sight before him.

Several now unidentifiable glass objects and their contents littered the floor around one of the tables, as if someone had been in a hurry to clear it off. A bunson burner lay on its side on the table, surrounded by a large burn mark. The rest of the room was, for the most part, untouched.

Jonathan wasn't there.

And, upon closer inspection, nor was he anywhere in the building.

Joker paced in front of the couch, hand running through his hair as he waited for Harley to answer her cell.

"Yes, Mistah J?"

"Harley, have you seen Jonathan?"

"He's not with you?"

Joker swore, falling onto the couch.

A shifting sound came from Harley's side of the line.

"Is everything alright?" Concern was clear in her voice. Joker sighed.

"Yes. Just….just…fuck," he rubbed his forehead, trying to think. "If you see Jonathan, keep him with you. And call me. Hog-tie him if you have to, got it?"

Getting off the phone with Harley, Joker called every goon he had access to, sending them on a Gotham-wide search.

Joker had moved from the living room to the bedroom, resuming his pacing.

It'd grown dark, and there was still no word from anybody. By this time, his thoughts had shifted from 'When he gets here…' to 'Where the hell is he?' He'd even called the hospital and that butler (who said he hadn't heard from Jonathan, but if he's not contacted by the next morning with the news that he'd been found safely, he would personally come after the Joker, and it'd take all the levels of hell to stop him from bashing his brains out with a tire-iron) in an act of desperation.

Joker groaned, flopping down onto the bed. What had he done to chase Jonathan away? Other than slamming him into a wall. And arguing over something so pointless as furniture. And…

Crap.

Joker rolled to face the left side of the bed—Jonathan's side—and sighed. He hadn't been lying when he told Jonathan that he liked him. Hell, it was hard to not like someone who, despite a horrible introduction, had married him. He'd even struggled to make the most of the living situation Joker thrust him into.

'I would hardly call this a marriage.'

Fuck.

Joker sat up, determined to find something to distract himself until Jonathan returned. An object on the dresser caught his attention. It was brown, burlap. Jonathan's mask.

Jonathan was out in Gotham at night, alone, and even if he had a can of toxin with him, it wouldn't do him any good. He was defenseless.

Joker couldn't remember a time he ran so fast in his life as he sprinted out the door.


	23. Chapter 23

Gotham, Jonathan decided, definitely looked better at night. And at a higher altitude.

His burned hand throbbed under the bandages. There were others, where the boiling chemical had hit his skin, but he hadn't bothered to cover them.

He'd been gone for some time, he knew, but it was peaceful where he was, and he wanted some time to think. He wasn't exactly sure anymore what he'd been trying to think of, just that he hadn't gotten a satisfactory answer yet.

Footsteps sounded from the fire escape behind him, but he didn't look. He just took a deep breath, shifting slightly. The footsteps paused upon reaching the roof, before hesitantly making their way over. Joker leaned against the wall next to him, though his gaze was not on the city.

"I…was looking for you."

Jonathan glanced at Joker before he looked back at the skyline.

"Sorry," he said quietly. Joker frowned.

"You shouldn't be."

Joker looked out at Gotham, sighing, before his eyes fell to Jonathan's arms. He took one carefully, pushing up the sleeve. His fingers traced over the bruises forming there.

"Sorry."

"You should be." Jonathan had stiffened, but not moved. He flinched as Joker's fingers trailed over blistering skin. Joker frowned, inspecting it closely.

"A burn?"

Jonathan nodded silently. Joker remembered the burned table in the lab, and the shattered chemical glasses that littered the floor. He winced as his mind filled in the gaps on its own. He raised the arm, gently, and kissed the bandages on the back of his hand, leaving behind a lipstick mark.

"You should put honey on them. It helps."

Jonathan turned his head to face Joker.

"I thought you were supposed to use aloe."

"That's what's, uh, traditionally used, yes. But I don't think we have any aloe back home."

"Ah." Jonathan continued to stare at Joker, who shifted, looking as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know how. Jonathan smiled weakly. "Back home, then."

They moved to the fire escape, starting down it.

"Oh yeah," Joker reached into his pocket, pulling out Jonathan's glasses. "You left these in your lab."

"Thank you," Jonathan said, putting them on, "Darling."

Joker smiled.

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Thanks to Miz. Jynx and BandGeek58407 for consistantly reviewing =3 I love you!

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Deciding against returning to his lab right away (he remembered the state he left it in, and was not looking forward to cleaning it up) Jonathan went upstairs to change. He realized, with some amusement, that he was still wearing the simple outfit he'd worn to bed the previous night, and was thankful. Though the burns didn't hurt too badly, he would most certainly feel them as he peeled of layer after layer.

One-handedly, he undid the buttons of his shirt, carefully removing it. He shivered as the air hit his skin, folding his shirt.

A finger lightly traced the fading bruise on his back. He shivered again, tensing.

Joker frowned as he examined the mark. He hadn't realized that he'd caused that much actual damage.

"Sit down," he said, gently nudging him towards the bed.

"What for?" Jonathan asked, though he was already moving. Joker sat next to him, carefully picking up the burned hand and undoing the bandages. He sucked in a breath as he examined the extent of the damage.

"What'd you do to yourself, Jonny?"

"A…momentary bout of forgetfulness," he replied, wincing. "I was distracted, and forgot that glass holding boiling liquids became quite hot."

"That how the table fire started?"

Jonathan's cheeks darkened, and Joker didn't press. He reached into one of his jacket pockets, pulling out a clear plastic bear half full with honey. Jonathan just stared at him.

"I'm telling ya, it'll help."

Jonathan shrugged, keeping his hand in place as Joker opened the bottle, pouring a large amount of the substance onto Jonathan's palm, using his thumb to gently move it around to cover the entire burn. The sweet scent made Jonathan's mouth water. He licked his lips.

"It's going to get everywhere. And it's sticky."

"One step ahead of ya, Jonny." Joker finished smearing the honey, bringing his thumb to his lips to lick the honey off as his other hand dug through another pocket, removing gauze pads and bandages. He set the gauze in place, wrapping it securely so no honey would seep out.

"Thanks." Jonathan tried to pull his hand away.

"Not done yet," Joker said, turning Jonathan's hand over to point at the marks extending up. The cap snapped open again. Jonathan bit the inside of his lower lip as Joker smeared honey across his arm with his pointer finger. He shifted slightly, trying to focus his attention on something other than the sweet aroma that was currently driving him crazy.

Joker's roots, he noticed, were a dirty blondish color. They fit nicely with the green, oddly enough. He wondered how Joker managed to pull it off so well.

His eyes traveled to Joker's face. Eyes were focused on the task before him, concentrating. The makeup around them, he realized, distracted others from the sight. He actually had pretty eyes.

The white makeup made the rest of his skin stand out, and certainly made the lipstick stand out. Pink scars semi-blended with the red around them. From a distance, the scars themselves probably wouldn't be noticed.

A tongue licked at a painted lip, mouth staying open slightly as he worked. Jonathan shifted again, blush spreading as he focused his attention back to his hands.

"Ta da!" Joker smiled, moving his hand away. Jonathan snatched it before it got too far, raising it to his own lips to suck the honey off. His blush deepened, but the action was quenching the craving that had formed.

Jonathan released the hand, staring at a spot on the bed as he tried not to look at his husband.

Joker, on the other hand, could not look anywhere but at Jonathan, grin spreading. Silently, he trailed a finger along the uncovered burns, before tracing one of Jonathan's cheeks, leaving behind a trail of honey that he quickly followed with his tongue. Jonathan turned his head to meet Joker's mouth with his own, removing all traces of the sweet substance from the other man's mouth. Joker giggled.

"Didn't know you had a sweet tooth."


	25. Chapter 25

Joker woke up alone. It wasn't surprising, really, since a quick glance at the clock showed it to be nearly eleven.

Standing, he stretched, groaning as his back cracked in a few places. After making a quick stop to the bathroom, Joker focused on locating Jonathan.

He wasn't surprised to find him in the lab. He was leaning against a wall, checking his formulas. The room was spotless.

"Back to work so soon, Jonny?"

Jonathan marked the paper, small smile rising on his lips.

"Can't let you have all the fun, now can I?"

Joker giggled, crossing the room to try to peer at the notes in Jonathan's hands. He couldn't understand any of it.

"Ya gonna tell me what you're working on?"

"And ruin the surprise?"

Jonathan looked up with a grin. Joker froze at the sight before him. From his upturned lips, revealing a hint of the white teeth underneath, to the mischievous glint in his eyes, Jonathan was truly a sight to behold.

Joker licked his lips, moving closer to place his hands on either side of Jonathan's head as he leaned in.

"But I wanna know now."

"Good things come to those who wait." Jonathan moved to set the paper down, before staring into the Joker's eyes. He swallowed, nervous, but did not move away.

There was a pause before Joker's lips were on his, insistent. He opened his mouth to allow the prodding tongue entrance. When the other man's hands roamed downwards, however, he pulled away.

"Volatile chemicals that will explode unless properly maintained are surrounding us."

"So?" Joker nuzzled his neck. "You'll just have to keep an eye open."

Jonathan opened his mouth, but closed it without a word. He took a breath, blushing as he opened his mouth again.

"While not…completely impossible, it's unlikely that I will be able to remember the proper way to maintain all of the chemicals I'm working with while….distracted. Speaking of…" Moving away from Joker, Jonathan crossed the room to turn down the flame of a burner, stopping a chemical reaction from becoming violent. Joker pouted, stepping behind his husband and embracing him from behind.

"Just shut them all off. You can turn them back on when we're done."

"Maintaining chemicals is more than just applying heat. Certain mixtures require a specific amount of consistent heat for a span of time. If the time is altered, the desired reaction will not happen. Turning the chemicals off and putting them back on later, no matter how brief the time span, will not have the same effect, and the mixture will be ruined. Furthermore--"

Joker silenced him with another kiss.

"I get it, I get it. But we will be continuing this later. And there will be nothing 'brief' about it."


	26. Chapter 26

Can't you just tell me?" Joker asked. Jonathan'd been working all day so far, and had only recently left the lab to get something to drink. Tea, to be exact. They were currently in an old break-room, which had been semi-converted into a kitchen.

"It only needs to sit for another twelve hours. You'll know soon enough."

"But waiting is--"

"So incredibly boring?" Jonathan finished, dipping his tea in an effort to make it steep quicker.

"See? I'm so bored I'm becoming predictable."

"You could clean something."

"Not that bored."

"Sharpen your knives?"

"Already did that."

"Go out and cause chaos?"

"Maybe," Joker paused. "Or maybe…"

He grabbed Jonathan's good hand, dragging him out of the room and down the stairs.

"Hey! What--"

"C'mon, Jonny. Gotham awaits us!"

"Can I at least have my tea first?"

"You can have it when we get back."

Jonathan sighed as his hand was released, reluctantly moving to the passenger side of the car.

"It'll be cold when we get back," he said, sitting down. The car started up.

"You can microwave it."

"Eww."

Securing his seatbelt, Jonathan glanced out the window.

"Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'll see."


	27. Chapter 27

"Wrong like kinky sex acts wrong, or wrong like killing a puppy with a baby?"

Jonathan's mouth fell open, brain struggling to form a response.

"W…what?"

"Both are wrong, in a moral sense. I'm just asking you to clarify which you meant. Cause if it's the kinky sex, that puts a whole new spin on that idea."

Jonathan blushed, hiding his face in his hands.

"Know what? Forget I said anything. Blow up all the preschools you want."

"I'm getting the puppy vibes. Pity. The other one would've been fun."

The car turned onto a narrow road. They were in the better side of Gotham, but Jonathan didn't recognize the scenery.

"Relax, Jonny. We're not blowing anything up tonight…at least, not intentionally."

"Then what are we doing?"

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan?"

Jonathan stared at him.

"Then…why are we out here?"

"Being spontaneous." He proved that by suddenly jerking the wheel left, cutting off a vehicle coming in the other direction to barrel down another road. Jonathan nearly had a heart attack.

"Jesus Christ!"

"Glad to know you can recognize me without my sandals on," Joker giggled.

Jonathan groaned, wondering, again, just what the hell he'd gotten himself into.

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AN: I would just like to thank my friend Devyn for the opening line. And I would like to thank all you awesome people for reviewing. You're the best ^^


	28. Chapter 28

AN: Sorry about the delay…I did a lot of writing only to realize I skipped a chapter. It's hard going back in the story to add a scene when you wanna move forward…

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Jonathan hadn't expected to wind up in the park. It was too, well, normal.

There was another hour or so before sunset, so the park was still pretty full of people, many of whom stared at the two as they walked past. It made Jonathan nervous. His grip on Joker's hand tightened. A bit as they walked.

"Scared, Jonny?"

"I'm not used to being in public."

Joker frowned.

"You've been out a lot since we've been together," he pointed out.

"Being out in the Narrows and being out here are two different things."

"There's no reason to be afraid. You're less likely to get shot out here."

"And more likely to find an article about you in the social pages."

Joker smiled.

"Shall we give them something to write about?"

Jonathan stopped, turning to face the Joker, glaring.

"I don't like seeing my face plastered all over the place while some wannabe reporters attempt to pick apart my personal life."

"Fine. Be boring."

"Everything's boring to you." Joker looked at him.

"Not everything," he winked. Jonathan blushed.

"That's not what I meant!"

"My point, Jonny, is that you've gotta live a little."

"I'd rather not."

Joker sighed.

"We'll work on that."

Both were startled as Joker's cell phone rang.

"This better be good."

A series of "yep"s, "uhhuh"s, and a "what do you mean?!" followed before Joker clicked the phone shut with a growl.

"Wait here," he said. "I'll be back in ten minutes."

Jonathan had no time to protest as Joker took off. He sighed, looking around the park. It was growing dark now, and people were leaving. He shifted, suddenly aware that he had no means to protect himself should anything happen. He glanced around for a stick, but found none suited for bashing people in the head in the immediate area. He sighed, glancing at his watch.

"Who authorized that?!"

Jonathan froze at the voice, suppressing a shudder as it came closer. He turned in time to see Rachael Dawes flip her phone shut.


	29. Chapter 29

Maybe, Jonathan prayed, she wouldn't notice him.

"Jonathan?"

Crap.

"Ah, Miss Dawes. I didn't see you there."

"What brings you out here?" Her tone was sharp. It matched her glare. "Experimenting?"

"Far from it, actually." His voice was struggling to remain pleasant. Killing her, he reminded himself, would likely only make his brother angry. "My husband and I were simply out for a walk."

"Husband?"

He smirked.

"I got married earlier this week. I thought you knew," he leaned up against a nearby tree, crossing his arms. "You are, after all, chasing my brother."

"I'm not chasing him!" she huffed. Jonathan resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"If you say so."

"There is nothing wrong with two old friends going out to celebrate his regained ability to go out."

"Mmhm," Jonathan glanced at his watch. He still had a few minutes before Joker's promised return time. Damn.

"Not that you would know anything about what friends can do."

Jonathan twitched.

"And just where is this husband of yours, anyway? I'd like to meet the man stupid enough to marry you."

His fists clenched.

"I would appreciate it if you would refrain from insulting my husband, Miss Dawes. And myself. It is hardly polite."

"Oh, like you know anything about polite society, Jonathan," she was glaring again. This time he glared back. "Kidnapping people and force-feeding them your stupid chemical compounds is real polite."

"Perhaps you should have some. They'd do you wonders, I'm sure."

"Is this how you won over your husband, Jonathan? Or is it true that it was simply a marriage of convenience so your daddy could get rid of you?"

He really wished he had his toxin with him. Perhaps he should make a habit of having some on him at all times…

"You sure know how to pick a winner, Jonathan, from all that I've heard. I'm sure your marriage is so disfunctional that--"

He slapped her.

"You don't know anything about my marriage," he hissed. Rachael stared at him, holding her cheek.

"What's the matter, Miss Dawes? Fire go out of your argument?"

"You can't actually love him," her eyes were wide, unbelieving, "can you?"

Jonathan paused, considering it. He smiled.

"I suppose I do."

"You're insane, Jonathan! Do you have any clue what kind of man he is?"

She had no idea.

"As flattered as I am about your concern--"

"I'm not concerned! Not for you. I just don't want to see Bruce's reaction when he learns that his brother has turned into a complete lunatic!"

"Strong words there, little lady."

Rachael whipped around, startled, as Joker spoke behind her.

"I'm not sure if I approve of you talking to my husband in that tone of voice."

A blade twirled around in his fingers as he advanced. Rachael quickly stepped back. Jonathan straightened, arms falling to his side, and she jumped in another direction. Her eyes shifted between the two of them.

"You're both crazy!"

"Nope," Joker smirked. "We're just ahead of the curve."


	30. Chapter 30

AN: I'm glad I'm turning people on to this pairing! ^^ Thanks to everybody for all the wonderful reviews.

And whoo, 30 chapters and I still have no clue when this is ending. This is officially the longest thing I've ever written, posted or not, and is now twice as long as I expected it to be when I first started out. It's really taken on a life of it's own.

Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy the future chapters ^^

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Jonathan's smile was present the entire ride home. They arrived, entering the warehouse silently, before Jonathan collapsed onto the couch, laughing. So hard Joker knew he was probably having trouble breathing. He stalked over and smiled. This was the first time he'd seen his husband enjoying himself so much.

"Something funny, Jonny?" Joker asked, leaning over him. Jonathan couldn't speak, nodding in response. Joker carefully removed the other man's glasses, setting them on the coffee table nearby. Joker trailed a finger over Jonathan's cheek as his laughter subsided to giggles.

"Mind sharing the good mood?"

What happened next was a blur. Jonathan vaguely recalled leaning up, but couldn't remember if he initiated the kiss. Either way, he was an active participant. One hand was tangled in the other's green hair as his tongue slid around his. His other hand—the burned one—was being held in place above his head, to avoid hurting it, he assumed. Joker's free hand was moving, tangling in his hair, down his neck, and lower.

Jonathan shifted slightly, senses heightened. He could feel the weight of the Joker above him, and the heat being generated by their bodies.

Joker lifted himself up slightly to work on the buttons of Jonathan's shirt. His lips traveled down Jonathan's neck, the hand in his hair tightening as he bit down, before he pushed himself up, smiling, and began to remove his own shirts.

Jonathan swallowed, a small twinge of panic rising with the knowledge that they were pretty out in the open—who knew how many goons had access to the warehouse living room?—yet as he was lifted up, shirt fully removed, and kissed again, he found it hard to remember that panic.

All he could think about was that maybe the couch wasn't so bad after all.


	31. Chapter 31

Jonathan woke up early, Joker's arm slung protectively around his waist as he slept. He shifted slightly, wincing at the ache that was the result of the night's activities. He was a little sore, but other than the original discomfort, he really couldn't complain much.

He shifted again, snuggling up against the Joker and running a hand over the other man's arm with a smile, closing his eyes.

The next time he woke, it was to Joker's finger trailing random paths across his body. He shifted, eyes falling to a dead goon on the floor. He blushed.

"Morning," Joker giggled, leaning down to nuzzle Jonathan's neck. Jonathan sighed, bringing a hand up to play with Joker's hair in response.

"Now this I could get used to," he giggled again, lifting himself up. "I think we, uh, forgot about dinner last night. Would you like some breakfast?"

"As long as you're not cooking," Jonathan smiled, sitting up to retrieve his clothing.

"Joker?"

"Mm?"

"Why was it so great that I scared all of the other suitors away?" he asked, remembering their first conversation.

Joker giggled, wrapping his arms around him.

"Because now I get to have you all to myself, silly."


	32. Chapter 32

AN: It took me a while to convince myself I liked this chapter, so sorry for the delay in posting. I eventually realized it was just one part I hated and cut it out. I like it much better now.

Again, thanks for all the wonderful reviews! ^^ I'm glad to hear I'm keeping them somewhat in character in this. That's been kind of difficult, given the circumstances, but again, glad I'm somewhat succeeding. And…glad the past few chapters were so enjoyable to people ^^

Well, you're not here to read my ramblings, so here we go

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"You can't just tell me?" Joker asked as Jonathan attached two canisters of toxin to his arms.

"Nope." He picked up a third canister, handing it to Joker.

"I don't need your toxin."

"It's not my usual toxin," Jonathan explained. "It's the new one."

"So? You already have some."

"These," he held up his arms, "are my usual toxin."

Joker was confused.

"Why aren't you carrying the new one instead?"

"It's better suited for you," he smiled. "You'll see what I mean."

Joker stared at the canister in his hand, rolling it around as Jonathan picked up his mask, tucking it into his jacket.

"Ya know, if you'd just tell me, I wouldn't be tempted to spray the contents of this into your face to see what it does."

"You wouldn't." He sounded sure.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you love me." He didn't sound so sure there. "Besides, I already inoculated myself."

"Oh, I see how it is. Make yourself immune and not me."

"I'm not even sure it'd work on you. If you sprayed yourself, I could find out. Plus you'd have the chance to find out what it does."

"That's not very nice, Jonny."

"Neither is threatening me with my own chemicals." He turned around, holding up a syringe with a blue liquid in it. The anti-toxin, Joker assumed.

"Now," Jonathan licked his lips, "I was just going to inoculate you…"

Joker glanced at the canister in his hand, then to the needle in Jonathan's hand, wondering how quickly he'd have to move to take it by force, before his eyes trailed to the various vials of chemicals in the room. He couldn't even begin to identify what they were, let alone what they could do, but Jonathan did. Probably even backwards.

He was at Jonathan's mercy, debating how much he really needed that injection.

"If I were to, uh, apologize and promise to be a good boy…"

"It'd be a start."

"How about if I profess my undying love to you?"

"Mm?"

"By quoting Shakespeare?"

"I think reciting somebody else's words is hardly a way to profess one's love."

"You want me to make my own sonnet? Cause I can. It'll just take me a little while…"

"I'm not sure if I want you reciting poetry to me in general…let alone any you create yourself."

"I'm hurt, Jonny!" Joker placed a hand over his heart, feigning physical pain. Jonathan chuckled. "And now you laugh at my pain…the world is cruel indeed! Such a fate, falling for someone who torments me thus…yet such a fate is mine," he took Jonathan's hand, looking him in the eye, "and indeed I do love my tormenter. You complete me."

Jonathan quickly pushed up Joker's sleeves, injecting him with the anti-toxin. Joker raised an eyebrow.

"But that wasn't even in Iambic Pentameter."

"It was good enough for me. Now come on," he brushed past Joker, heading for the door. "We have people to terrorize."

Joker smiled, putting an arm around Jonathan's shoulder as they left the lab.

"Ya know, Jonny, I don't think a more fitting match could've been made than the two of us."


	33. Chapter 33

AN: Sorry about the long wait for this chapter…I kinda had trouble focusing everytime I attempted to start writing it. College and a job will do that, I suppose.

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Joker, Jonathan was pleased to note, appeared to thoroughly enjoy the gift. The man's laughter could be heard over the screams of those not yet sprayed and the dying laughter of those that were.

The laughing toxin was a complete success.

Jonathan was leaning against a wall in the store they'd decided to terrorize, spraying everyone who made for the door with his fear toxin. It was a little boring, he'd admit, but this whole thing was to see if Joker liked the toxin, so he wasn't going to complain.

After watching Joker chase people around for a little while, Jonathan poked through the magazines and newspapers on the stand nearby. He smirked at one of the headlines, reading "Dawes Found Dead, No Immediate Suspects." He skimmed the article, silently grateful Joker had decided against carving Rachael's face open during their little 'encounter' with her the previous evening.

He wondered if tearing the article out and framing it would be worth the effort of hiding it should Bruce or his father ever come over.

Speaking of Bruce, it appeared he'd decided to take some form of Aerobics class, privately, taught by a twenty-something-or-other Richard Grayson. Interesting…

"Anything about us in there, Jonny?"

"Not directly, which is…wait, spoke too soon," he sighed, folding the paper and turning it over so Joker could see the article that had, indeed, worked its way into the social pages. Joker giggled.

"We're headliners!"

"Very funny," Jonathan groaned, folding the paper properly and setting it back onto the stand. "Are we done here?"

"Everyone's dead, aren't they?"

"Shall we head home, then?"

"You kidding?" Joker asked, throwing his arm around Jonathan. "The night's young and the canister's not empty. I say it's time for a night on the town!"


	34. Chapter 34

AN: Sorry this one took so long....It was coming out too much of a cheesy romance. It still kinda is, but I like it better now.

Thanks for all the lovely reviews! And for being such patient readers. I love you all!

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"Your version of a night on the town and mine apparently differ from one another," Jonathan said as the two of them ran from the building that was currently on fire. And the police that were rushing to surround it. It was a miracle they hadn't been seen yet. "I thought we were supposed to be keeping a low profile."

Joker giggled.

"You just wish you had this much fun on your own."

"My father is the police commissioner, you idiot."

"So? You're wearing a mask and we haven't been caught yet."

"Not by the police."

Joker giggled again. Jonathan resisted the urge to smack him.

"You can't be serious."

"Don't you think it'd be fun, though?"

"Oh sure. Getting into a fight with the Batman would be almost as much fun as piercing my own eyeball."

Joker frowned.

"Didn't peg ya for a masochist, Jonny."

"I must be to put up with this relationship," Jonathan muttered. Joker raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, didn't catch that."

"Never mind."

"No, no. By all means, repeat it."

"No."

Joker's eyes narrowed.

"Jonny..."

"Look, just because you're the 'man' in this marriage does not mean that I have to do every little thing you say. I'm your husband, not your goon."

"I treat you better than them."

"Yes."

The sound of sirens had faded by now. Jonathan rest against a wall, trying to catch his breath as he removed his mask.

"But you still expect me to act on your every word."

"Not all of them," Joker smiled. "I trust you to use your judgement and not obey the stupid ones."

"Your idea of stupid or mine?"

Joker rolled his eyes, then pouted as he shook the canister in his hands.

"I think it's empty."

"I'll make some more tomorrow, then."

"We don't have any more back home?"

"I wasn't entirely certain the compound would be a success," Jonathan explained, turning his mask over in his hands, "so I didn't want to make a large batch. Now that I know it's effective, I can make more without worrying that I'd be wasting chemicals."

"You had no idea it'd even work? That seems unlike you, Jonny."

"Oh, I had an idea," he shifted. "I knew the laughing part worked, anyway. I just wasn't sure if it was lethal yet."

Joker raised an eyebrow.

"How'd ya know the laughing bit worked?"

"Remember that goon you shot this afternoon?"

"Which one?"

"During the meeting."

"The one that didn't stop laughing when I..." Joker paused. "You used one of my goons as a test subject?"

Jonathan nodded.

"I'm so proud!" Joker exclaimed, leaping forward to hug Jonathan.

"Glad you approve," Jonathan smiled, awkwardly hugging him back and resting his head on Joker's shoulder, closing his eyes.

"Aww, I think he likes me," Joker giggled.

"Would I put up with you otherwise?"

"That's not very nice of you, honey."

"And what do you plan to do about it?" Jonathan lifted his head to give Joker a challenging look. Joker giggled.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Perhaps I would."

"Well, I'm not telling."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, resting his head against Joker's shoulder again.

"You're really lucky I love you, you know that? Otherwise I might not put up with this."

Joker froze, a thoughtful look crossing his face, before he smiled.

"Say that again."

"What?"

"That you love me. I like hearing it."

Jonathan lifted his head up again.

"Not until you say it back first."

Joker pouted.

"But I've already said it."

"While I was keeping an anti-toxin from you and after I psychologically destroyed several people. I'm not counting those."

"What about the night we got pizza?"

"You said you liked me, not love."

"Last night?"

Jonathan blushed, clearing his throat. "Look, if you're not willing to say it..."

"Never said that. Just wanted to point out that I've expressed my feelings more often than you have."

Jonathan raised an eyebrow.

"I express my feelings. They're just not always the ones you wish to hear."

Joker laughed, bringing his face closer to Jonathan's.

"I love you, Jonny."

"I love you, Joker."

"But I'm still not telling."

And Joker stopped Jonathan's response with a kiss.


	35. Chapter 35

AN: Thanks to Lauralot for reviewing every one of my chapters! You've put me in a giddy mood for the day. Even my nine hour shift wasn't so bad today ^^

More thanks to my other reviewers! This story would be a hell of a lot shorter without you guys

This one's for you lovely people (and partially for me)

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"How's it going, Jonny?" Joker asked, poking his head into the lab. Jonathan glanced up from his notes.

"Pretty well." He looked back down, pen moving against the paper as Joker approached.

"What are ya working on?"

"Modifications."

"I thought you had the compound perfected?"

Jonathan shrugged.

"There's always room for improvements."

"Ah." Joker shifted, setting a mug down in front of Jonathan, who stared at it.

"I, uh...made you some tea. To, ya know, make up for the one you didn't get to drink the other night."

"Thank you." He continued to stare at it. "Did you put anything in it?"

"We're married, Jonny. I don't need to slip date-rape drugs into your drinks! Honestly, your accusations--"

"I meant things like sugar, Joker."

Joker blinked.

"Oh." He licked his lips. "Erm…no…would you like some?"

"It would be appreciated."

"I'll, uh, get some, then." He quickly left the room. As soon as he was out of view, Jonathan put some of the tea into a vial, testing it since Joker'd gotten him so paranoid. The results showed it to be fine, so Jonathan quickly got back to work, glancing back up as Joker reentered the room.

"One scoop or two?"

"One and a half."

"Sure, be difficult," Joker smiled, measuring out the sugar.

"Can't make everything easy on you."

There was silence for a while as Jonathan continued to make small alterations to the formulas, taking sips of his tea every now and then.

Joker shifted.

"Are you near a good stopping point, Jonny?"

Jonathan glanced at the clock, doing some mental calculations.

"I suppose so. What did--"

Joker's mouth was on his before he could finish. He sighed, mentally telling himself that he should have expected this as he kissed back. One of Joker's hands trailed along his cheek, cupping the back of his head as the kiss deepened. His other slid down to rest at a spot just bellow his neck. Joker slowly pulled away.

"How long before one of your chemicals becomes dangerous?"

Jonathan redid the math.

"A little under an hour."

"Plenty of time," he smiled, hand traveling to the buttons on Jonathan's shirt before he stopped. "Unless you don't want to…?"

Jonathan took a deep breath, considering. He set his glasses on the table and brought his lips up to meet the Joker's.

Joker smiled into the kiss and continued.


	36. Chapter 36

"Just because the toxin finished didn't mean we had to go out and use it right away," Jonathan groaned, clinging to the seat as Joker attempted to out-drive five Gotham squad cars.

"Didn't hear you complaining earlier."

"You never really gave me a chance to."

Jonathan attempted to keep his eyes shut so he didn't have to see the extent of his husband's death-defying driving, but the sudden jerks of the car were making him dizzy. Heart attack or sickness? He opened his eyes and glanced at the mirror.

"I hope none of them are Dad," he sighed.

Joker jerked the wheel again, causing Jonathan to fly forward. His seatbelt was the only thing keeping him from crashing into the dashboard.

"If we get caught, I'm telling them it was your idea," he hissed, bringing a hand to rub his throbbing shoulder.

"If you say so, honey."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course I am."

"Then what did I just say?"

"You asked if I was listening."

Jonathan sighed, hand moving up to cover his face.

"I hate you."

"Don't be like that, Jonny."

"I'm sorry if being followed by police cars puts me on edge."

"Apology accepted."

Jonathan glared.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight."

"But--"

"No."

"I--"

"No."

"But, you--"

"Joker…"

Joker sighed, cutting down another side road. The sirens were gradually growing fainter as they pressed on. He drove in silence for a while, until the sirens faded altogether. He looked at Jonathan.

"Jonny, I--"

"Eyes on the road!"

He looked back in time to narrowly avoid a parked car on the left side of the road. He cleared his throat.

"Look, Jonny, if I were to, uh, heartfully apologize for my stupid statements and offer wild, passionate sex--"

"Everything's about sex to you!" Jonathan glared. "Married couples do more than just that, you know."

Joker frowned.

"Am I that bad?"

"I…you…" Jonathan blushed. "Don't you try turning this around on me!"

"What else do married couples do, then?"

"They…I don't know…They…" Jonathan sighed. "They go out to dinner. And talk and stuff like that."

"We're talking now."

"This is different."

"How?"

"Because…it just is, okay?" He sighed again, looking out his window. Movement in the mirror caught his attention and he squinted at it, groaning as he realized just what it was he was seeing.

"He's here."

Joker frowned.

"Who?"

"The Batman."


	37. Chapter 37

AN: O_O I have a lot of reviews now *is totally not used to this*

I'm glad so many people are enjoying my fic ^^

Sorry about the long wait for a short chapter... I got distracted by Heroes and drawing and a sewing party. Plus my work hours got changed so I work all night shifts. They don't let me write much at work....

Okay, enough excuses. I promise the next chapter will be longer and up soon. If it's not, you have my permission to attack me with whatever you have on hand.

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"Shall we slow down and say hello?"

"No."

"But I've never gotten to fight Batman before," Joker pouted.

"I have. It's very painful. Keep driving."

Joker's pout turned into a frown.

"You fought him?"

"It was around when I first developed my toxin," Jonathan winced at the memory. "He wasn't as violent as I've heard he can be, but he did slam me into a wall."

"Uh-huh?"

"Headfirst."

"That settles it. Now I need to fight this man."

"No!"

"Come on, he's not gonna know it's you. You made those changes to your mask, after all."

It was a valid point. The mask looked less like a potato sack and more like an actual scarecrow face, but still...

"And how many people run around Gotham with burlap masks on their heads?" If the count was above one, Jonathan didn't want to know about it.

"It's Gotham. Weirder people walk around."

"Like who?"

"Ever met Jarvis?"

"Point. But I'd still rather avoid the Batman when possible."

The argument abruptly ended, however, as the back vehicle slammed them into the wall.


	38. Chapter 38

AN: Um…I believe I gave people permission to hit me with sharp objects if I didn't post soon….so….be gentle?

I really am sorry for the delay….I've been busy focusing on the convention I'm going to later this week (Anime Boston, if you were wondering) and forcing myself to work on art I'm hoping to sell there. Then we hit ice cream season at work, are understaffed, and I got changed all around to night shifts. I used to do all of my writing in the early evening, so you can see where that is a problem.

Luckily, I know how the next two chapters are supposed to go, so I should be able to post soonish. Thank you for your patience and the nice reviews ^^

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Joker crawled out of the vehicle, giggling, as the Batman stepped out of his.

"This is where we exchange insurance information, isn't it?" Joker laughed.

Batman frowned.

"I know you. You're the one who married Jonathan."

"Yep."

Joker removed a knife from one of his pockets, twirling it around as Batman cautiously stepped closer. Neither noticed Jonathan stepping out of the smashed car, a fact he was thankful for; it gave him a moment to attempt to regain his composure.

He debated momentarily whether to just get the hell out of there—possibly by jumping into Batman's vehicle and driving like hell—but decided against it. With his luck, the tank would be a stick shift and he'd never been very good at driving those. Besides, it would be bad manners to leave his husband to get beaten to a pulp and possibly thrown in jail.

His father had threatened to send him to jail before, back when his toxin was still in the experimental stages, and the thought wasn't any more pleasant now than it had been back then. And if Joker went, odds were that he'd get sent as well, son of the Commissioner or not.

Yet staying to get beaten and dragged to jail with Joker didn't sound that appealing either. At least the other way he could try to feign innocence…

A crash and the sound of laughter snapped him out of his inner argument. Joker picked himself off the ground, still laughing as Batman shoved him to the wall again, then knocking him aside to land on the upturned garbage cans nearby.

Moving quickly, Jonathan grabbed the nearest blunt object—a chunk of metal he believed used to be the bumper of their car—and lunged at the Batman.


	39. Chapter 39

AN: A potato peeler, shovel, and a computer mouse. I think I got off lucky =D

This was originally two chapters, but that would've been short and drawn this out longer than I planned it to, so I merged them.

I'll try to have another chapter up sometime next week, but no guarentees. Real life's getting more stressful…but you're not here to read about me, so here we go…

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The sound of metal hitting the Batman's head was a satisfying sound to Jonathan's ears. So satisfying that Jonathan was almost considering calling them even. Almost. One whack to the head didn't exactly equate to having one's head smashed into a wall while being called a coward, then being carted away to your father. So really, they weren't even, but it was some well-deserved payback.

Too bad the Batman didn't seem to know you're not supposed to seek payback for payback..

As the metal clattered out of his reach, Jonathan found himself, for the second time in his life, smashed into a wall and pinned there by a man in a rubber bat suit.

The experience wasn't any more enjoyable this time around.

Batman glanced at the Joker, who was just beginning to stand.

"Does your husband know that you're running around Gotham with a psychopath?"

"Uh, yep!" Joker smiled.

"I'm not a psychopath!" Jonathan snapped.

"You're wearing a mask," Batman pointed out.

"So are you. Does that mean that you consider yourself psychopathic as well?" Jonathan tested the strength of the Batman's grip. It wasn't in his favor.

"I don't gas a building full of people then go on a death-defying drive through Downtown Gotham."

"No, you wait and follow in your black…tank thing then cause both of us to crash into a wall."

"You killed innocent people."

"Like you're a saint yourself."

"I've never claimed to be."

"Neither have I."

"Because you're a psychopath."

"I'm not!"

"He isn't," Joker said. "He's just misunderstood. But it's okay. We've all got issues."

"That just makes me feel so much better," Jonathan growled.

"You're welcome."

"I hate you."

"Not what you were saying last night."

Jonathan let out a deep sigh, lightly hitting his head on the wall as he leaned back as much as he could with a very confused Batman still pinning him to the wall.

"See? This is what I was talking about in the car."

Joker frowned.

"Are we back to the argument about communication again?"

Jonathan closed his eyes.

"Remind me to take out a life insurance policy on you when we get home."

"Why?"

"So I can kill you and still get something out of this marriage."

"Hey!"

Jonathan turned away from Joker's pout in time to see something apparently click in the Batman's brain.

"Jonathan?"

So much for getting through this anonymously, Jonathan groaned.

"What the hell are you thinking?!"

"That I want to go home, have a nice cup of tea, maybe a bath, then go to bed."

Batman's eyes narrowed.

"Hey, you asked."

He tried again to break free of the other man's hold, only to find himself slammed against the wall again. He hissed in pain as he was thrown aside, landing hard enough for him to know that he should expect bruises to be there later.

Somewhere behind them, Joker growled.

The sound of metal hitting the Batman's head was even more satisfying the second time around. Jonathan looked up as Joker lifted the formerly discarded piece of metal and swung at the Bat again, connecting again before the other man managed to grab a hold and pry it from the Joker's hands, bringing it around to smack solidly into Joker's torso.

Jonathan stood, certain that his glare was visible through the layers of filters and burlap, and strode forward.

He'd never been that strong physically—no more than the average male, anyways—but he had the element of surprise in his favor as he gripped the metal, stopping the Batman mid-swing. The few seconds it bought him was enough for him to do something he'd fantasized about almost daily since that first encounter long ago.

He raised his arm and sprayed the Batman's face with a large dose of his fear toxin.


	40. Chapter 40

AN: So...this took way longer to put up than I meant it to. Sorry about that. Long story short, I have my own apartment, a kitten that likes to terrorize me in my sleep and caused me to mess up my ankle for about a week, and internet access once a week when I walk to my dad's to do laundry. I meant to put this up weeks ago, but I kept forgetting to bring the notebook with me.

Thank you for your patience and I hope you continue reading.

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The ride home was unusually silent, with Jonathan staring out the window, almost moping. Joker, who'd stopped trying to initiate conversations at this point, didn't understand. They had, afterall, just watched the Batman run off as he fought whatever horrors the toxin brought to his mind.

Arriving home didn't make a difference, either. Jonathan just silently got out of the car they'd stolen and entered the building, going up the stairs to enter the bedroom. Joker entered to find him curled up on top of the blankets, facing the wall. Sighing, he crawled up next to him.

"What's wrong, Jonny?"

"Nothing."

"Now I don't believe that one bit." He wrapped an arm around Jonathan's waist, both pulling him closer and preventing him from leaving. "You just sprayed one of your most hated enemies with your toxin. And you're moping. What's wrong?"

"Nothing....just..."

"Just?"

Jonathan sighed, shifting slightly before answering.

"It was just boring."

Joker blinked.

"What?"

"I was expecting the Batman to act differently."

"How different?"

"I don't know. Just..." he struggled for words, before sighing again. "Just not like my brother did."

"You sprayed your brother with your toxin?" That seemed....very un-Jonathan like.

"No, the idiot sprayed himself in the face while going through the stuff in my room." Jonathan shook his head. "He was lucky I was close enough to hear his screams. Dad wasn't too pleased, though." He winced at the memory. His father had given him a long lecture about creating something that dangerous, especially in the house. Bruce had even taken some of his extra vaccines, as if Jonathan planned to spray him on purpose in the future.

Everyone in that place was just so damn paranoid.

"Alright, so Batsy reacts like your brother. What's the big deal?"

"His fear was supposed to be something unique. Not something I'd put up with my entire childhood. I mean bats? Seriously?" He raised a hand to rub his forehead, groaning. "He's probably only using the image of a bat because they're the most terrifying thing to him, and thus he imagines it to be scary to everybody else..."

Joker carefully tuned out the rest of the rant, promising himself that he'd hit the Batman extra hard if he saw him again just for this.


	41. Chapter 41

AN: Having only Monday and Tuesday off sucks. Especially when people like stealing you on weekends and don't let you get above four hours of sleep when you have to go to work the next day. And take up all your free time on Monday so you only have Tuesday to do a bunch of stuff and can't get around to it. Like get a PO box. I don't have time to walk up to the post office to get one this week like I'd planned. And my dad's putting off getting my car registered, so it's taking longer to get my license....

So, who else loves Cillain Murphy in Red Eye?

Anyway...Next chapter update. I'll try to get the next one up next week.

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"Wake up already!" Jonathan yelled, shaking the Joker violently. "Honestly, and you say I'm hard to wake up...Joker!"

His husband groaned, turning over to bury his face in the pillows. "Go way."

"No. You need to wake up now."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." He pulled the blankets over his head stubbornly.

"Fine. I'll start dumping chemicals into your morning coffee."

"The coffee shop's not far away. I can go there."

"Toothpaste in your shoes?"

"Least my feet will smell nice."

"Look, I will drag you to the bathroom and dump you into the shower if I have to."

"I'm too heavy and will be kicking the entire time."

"Fine." Ripping the blanket off of him, Jonathan grabbed one of Joker's legs and began to pull. "You can explain the bruises to my father when he gets here."

Joker shot up.

"What?"

"Alfred called. My father's on his way." Pulling Joker out of the room, he shoved him in the general direction of the bathroom. "Shower. Now."

The door closed with a click and Jonathan set out to see how much of the warehouse he could clean in the remaining hour it'd take his father to arrive. He even put the clown minions to work scrubbing every surface they could find as Harley swept the floor and he went to work organizing his lab. He'd just finished and was in the process of debating which tablecloth to use as Joker exited the bathroom, clean suit and makeup applied a little neater than usual.

"Embroidered or plain?"

"What?"

"Tablecloth."

"Oh. Er..." Joker examined the two cloths Jonathan was staring at. "Embroidered."

"Alright. Put this on the table. I need to double-check the bedroom."

Joker stared at the cloth as Jonathan flew up the stairs, trying to figure out how to unfold it as Harley walked over.

"Here's your coffee, Mistah J."

"Thanks, Harl." He waved at the table, as he turned the fabrick, only to find another fold instead of the edge. He frowned, turning it over again to have it all fall open. Shrugging, he worked on finding the shorter end, stretching out his arms to find one corner, then the next, before throwing it over the table.

He watched in horror as part of it fell into the open mug of coffee.

Panicing, he yanked the tablecloth back, knocking the coffee over, spilling down the table and onto the floor. Several minions froze as his eyes went wide, quickly righting the cup and using the cloth to try and stop more of the liquid from falling to the floor. Several of the clowns fled the building as he debated what to do. A creak from upstairs prompted him to using the cloth to mop up the mess on the table and floor, before tossing it to the nearest minion.

"Dispose of that somewhere far away and get me one that looks exactly like that. Don't let Jonny see you." The minion took off as Joker grabbed the plain tablecloth, quickly moving it to cover the now empty table and straightening it as Jonathan exited the room. Grabbing the empty mug, he pretended to sip from it as Jonathan came down the stairs.

"I thought you chose the embroidered cloth?"

"Changed my mind. This one was better."

Jonathan rolled his eyes. "Typical." He looked Joker up and down, frowning. "Come here."

"Why?"

Jonathan didn't respond, just pulled him closer and began straightening his tie.

"It wasn't that crooked."

"Subtle things make all the difference with appearances."

"Appearances didn't seem to matter when we first met. Or at the wedding."

"I would like my father to believe I keep my husband more polished up now."

"You really are the woman here."

"Shut up." Jonathan smoothed out Joker's jacket before turning to double check the room. He shoed the remaining minions out the back before glancing at Harley.

"Harl, would you mind staying? I'd feel a bit more comfortable knowing that if I leave to make tea or something that Joker won't get bombarded with questions."

"Sure, Jonathan!" She smiled.

Outside, the sound of car doors closing could be heard.

"Shit." Jonathan looked to the door, back to Harley, then to Joker. "Flip the TV on to the first sappy thing you can find. Be relaxed, but not too relaxed." Knocking. "Hurry up!"

He strode over to the door, waiting until he heard them settle on a station before opening it.

"Hi, Dad. And Bruce! What a surprise."


	42. Chapter 42

"This is a, erm, nice place, Jonathan," Gordon said, looking around the warehouse-turned-home while nursing his mug of coffee.

"I like it here," Jonathan said, sipping his own mug, feeling all to aware of Bruce's gaze on him. He didn't like when his brother did that. "It's quiet."

From the couch came a loud shriek of laughter as the idiots on the screen presumably did something funny. Jonathan smiled. "Well, some of the time."

"Married life treating you well, then?"

"Surprisingly, yes," Jonathan took another sip of his coffee, glancing over and half-meeting his brother's insistent gaze. "And you, Bruce? Pick a suitor yet?"

"I've had other things on my mind," Bruce said, flatly.

"I'm sure."

"You heard about Rachael's murder?"

"Ah, yes," Jonathan set the mug down. "I, uh, read about it in the paper. I'd forgotten you two were close. I should have called to see how you were keeping."

"The criminals who killed her are still at large."

"Growing up to be a detective now, Bruce?"

Bruce remained silent, and Jonathan fidgeted in his seat. The end credits chimed before the television was shut off with a definite click, Joker and Harley still chattering away and giggling over the antics of the actors before Joker slid into the seat at Jonathan's side, directly across from Bruce, as Harley disappeared to prepare more coffee.

"How are the cases, Commissioner?" Joker licked his lips as he asked, an unusually pleasant smile on his lips.

"Growing. Alarmingly so in both numbers and…individuality."

"See, and Jonny wonders why I don't like to go out much," Joker shook his head, raising his arms in an exaggerated manner. "Seems like these days you can't so much walk three blocks without some bloke shoving something pointy in your face and demanding all of your change. And lord help ya if all you've got is pocket lint and nothing pointy to point back."

Gordon frowned. "An accurate assessment, however not quite how I would have phrased it."

Joker smiled. "I'm quite well known for my, uh, gift for speaking."

"So it would seem."

Harley returned, balancing the sugar dish and cream on one arm while her free hand held the coffee pot. "Who's up for a refill, hm? Jonathan? Bruce?"

Jonathan smiled, sliding his cup over as the blonde cheerily filled it, taking in the sight of his brother's untouched mug in front of him.

"Yours is getting cold, Bruce."

His brother made a low sound of acknowledgement, but made no move for the mug.

"I could get you something else, if you'd rather."

Bruce's eyes shifted to Joker and Harley, who were engaged in some in depth conversation about the weather and its effect on traffic and other such commodities with Gordon, before looking back to Jonathan.

"Are you still doing your research, Jonathan?"

Jonathan's grip tightened on his mug. "Of course."

"May I see your lab?"

Jonathan stared at his brother. Bruce had never taken a personal interest in his work, at least not after the incident with the toxin, so mere curiosity was out of the question. Bruce was also unlikely wanting to snatch away any of the various chemicals laying about the room, and was probably not looking for Jonathan's scientific understanding in any matter. What, then, was his interest now?

Jonathan took another long sip of his coffee before smiling at his younger brother. "Of course."

AN: Well, I must say I am certainly surprised at the level of interest this story still seems to maintain, even after my hiatus. I wanted to thank everyone for continuing to read and taking the time to review my caffeine-inspired bit of insanity. I do, in fact, read every single review I get, even if I've slacked in replying to them. I'm still in awe over how much attention this story has been able to attract and I certainly hope this chapter has somewhat made up for my absence. I will try to get better.


	43. Chapter 43

AN: Well, this was certainly a long time coming, wasn't it? Sorry about that. I need to stop jumping fandoms in the middle of projects.

This chapter was giving me all kinds of problems, mostly the beginning. I had the middle bit written a while back, but getting to it was kind of a challenge.

Thanks to everybody who's taken the time to review! It means a lot to me. And for those who've read it all and haven't reviewed, well, you're awesome, too, for actually taking the time to read this silly thing. I love you all. You rock.

"You've expanded, I see," Bruce said as he moved around one of the tables in the lab.

"Yes, well," Jonathan crossed to the opposite side of the room, where his notes lay over an otherwise empty work bench, "you can do a lot in a warehouse." He turned to face his brother, taking in Bruce's uneasiness at being in the room. "Was there anything in particular you were interested in seeing?" He left his hands hovering over the stack, as if ready to grab anything on the table on command.

"Yes," Bruce said, squaring his shoulders. "The chemical you used on the city last night."

Jonathan leaned against the table, resisting the urge to cross his arms defensively as he met his brother's gaze. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, Bruce."

"Don't lie to me, Jonathan," Bruce crossed the room quickly, looking down at Jonathan when he got close enough that the height difference was noticable. It was an intimidation technique that had worked well for him in the past.

"What reason would I have to lie to you?"

"To hide the fact that Joker's a psychopath?"

"Oh, so you don't like my husband?" Jonathan tilted his head, forcing a smile. "Isn't the time for objections over, Bruce? Aren't you supposed to forever hold your peace?"

"Damnit, Jonathan," Bruce's hands smacked the table beside Jonathan, "haven't you even thought about what you're doing?"

"What, sitting on a table? I assure you it's certified to hold much more than my weight."

Bruce's fists clenched, but he forced himself to step back, to breathe.

"I can have the two of you arrested. Right now. Dad can do it."

"On what grounds? And with what proof?" Jonathan straightened. "Or do you plan on having your spandex-wearing, chiroptophobic best friend beat a confession out of me again?"

Bruce was silent.

"It means fear of bats."

"I know," Bruce said, crossing his arms. Jonathan waited for a followup, but Bruce remained silent.

"Well then, if we're done here, shall we return to the rest of the happy family?" Jonathan said, brushing past Bruce to hold open the door. Bruce glared at the stack of papers before heaving a sigh and backing down.

As they re-entered the living room area, Joker looked up with a smile, waiving a pencil in the air.

"Bruce, Jonny, perfect timing! I was just about to show Pops here a magic trick."

The rest of the visit passed without major incident, if a little uneasy and full of awkward conversation. Harley snuck out to pick up some take-out that she then tampered with in the kitchen to make it appear homemade, and Bruce and their father left shortly before seven, afterwhich the henchmen began to trickle back in.

As Jonathan headed off to bed, he replayed the visit in his mind, taking special care to review the conversation he'd had with Bruce. He was halfway though brushing his teeth when he froze.

Bruce had never asked him how he knew The Batman was afraid of bats.


	44. Chapter 44

It was a risky move, Jonathan was sure, but there was little in the way of alternatives. Of course, he could always choose to ignore his before bed epiphany, but he had spent too long analyzing it from every angle as he tossed about under the sheets to believe he could really push it from his mind for an extended period. The best thing would be to get his answer and move on.

If his brother really did turn out to be The Batman, however, he was going to create a slow-acting, untraceable poision to lace his tea with next family visit. Being civil to his kin was apparently wasted on the man if the repeated brawls were anything to go by.

The plan was the product of roughly four hours restless sleep and lack of caffiene, but it sounded absolutely brilliant when repeated in his head. He even began to write it down.

Step one: Call Alfred.

Simple enough. He could make up an excuse, like the need for a bran muffin recipe, and casually ask the elder man if he thought it was completely insane that he thought his brother might be Batman. Alfred would answer in some cryptic manner, leaving Jonathan to come to the obvious conclusion as he dwelled on the reply during the twenty-three-to-thirty minutes the muffins would take to bake.

Step two really decided on how well step one went. If his brother didn't turn out to be Batman? Great. One less thing to hate him for. But if he was...

Well, that's really where the plan fell apart. What would he do, sick Joker on him? Or even better, sick Harley on him. But then again...

Jonathan hit his head on the table. Okay. So this was a stupid plan. At best he'd have a brother concerened over his apparent growing paranoia and a plate of muffins. At worst, he'd have to fully accept the fact that it was his brother that bashed his head into a brick wall, while said brother was made aware of the fact that he knew, because if he was, of course Alfred and their father would be in on it. And then what?

No, he had to do this more subtly.

He trashed the plan, readying another sheet of paper to make the new one.

Step one: Bran muffins. Because now he was hungry, and damn they sounded good right now.

Step two: ?

Step three: Find out if Bruce is Batman

Okay. Admittenly not much better than the first one. He trashed it, and looked at the blank sheet of paper.

Step one:

Jonathan's head hit the table again. Maybe he was going about this the wrong way. He could be reading too much into the whole bat thing anyway.

He really needed coffee.


	45. Chapter 45

AN: So the plot kind of ran away from me for a little bit here and I actually have no clue what I'm writing anymore. It's just like old times!

"...and then we could set the building on fire and make a run for it, what do ya think?" Joker asked, poking Jonathan's arm with his fork.

"Fine," Jonathan said, not lifting his head from the paper he was reading.

Joker frowned, looking around the small diner they were in before leaning across the table. "And afterwards we can take a swim in Oswald's shark tank?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Jonny, you're not listening to me."

"Whatever you say, dear," Jonathan said, turning the page of the paper.

"Jonny!" Joker whined, pouting. When that didn't work, he flung himself dramatically over the table, somehow missing his plate while almost shoving Jonathan's into his lap. "Pay attention to meeeee."

Jonathan folded the paper. "You're making a scene."

"I won't when you pay attention."

"What is it, then?"

Joker frowned. "I, uh, forgot."

Jonathan sighed. "Something about setting city hall on fire...?"

"Well, now that you mention it, that sounds brilliant!" Joker said, sitting back up with a grin. Jonathan sighed again, adjusting his glasses as he tried to pay attention to the vague stick-figure plans Joker was doodling with ketchup on the napkins, sipping his coffee and attempting to wake himself a little more.

Typically lack of sleep never bothered him, but again. usually his thoughts weren't so exhausting. Science and chemicals were so much easier than family issues were. Especially when it came to Bruce. And he hadn't even attempted to get Joker's opinion on his theory yet.

That was all he needed; Joker attempting to set his father's house on fire (or worse, if Joker had given himself ample time to think of a suitably crazy plan of revenge before he drove over there like a maniac) because he was suspicious of his brother.

Not that he hadn't admittenly been working on the formula for the poison he'd considered earlier that morning. Whether he'd use it or not, an idea that good just had to be worked on.

"And then we'll be home in time for dinner," Joker said, bunching all of the napkins together before Jonathan could really get a look at them. Not that he expected the evening to go as planned; Joker was liable to mess it up himself. On purpose. Just to see what'd happen. Really, he was better off going in without any clue anyway.

"What was so interesting in that paper anyway?" Joker asked.

"I was looking at the Classifieds, mostly," Jonathan said, flipping the paper back open and folding it on the table. "I was thinking of getting a job."

"You, ah, realize you don't actually need one, right?"

"My father thinks you're a party clown," Jonathan said. "And even if we tell him you get paid under the table, we can't 'live' on any supposed income you don't actually get. And we can't just pretend to leech off my inheritence forever."

"The crime's been doing us well enough."

"And I can't exactly explain that to my father now, can I?" Jonathan pointed to one of the articles. "Arkham is looking for a new psychologist."

Joker frowned. "You wanna be a shrink?"

"I have all the relevent degrees."

"Well, er...knock yerself out, darling."


	46. Chapter 46

"How many barrels of oil does it take to burn down a building?" Jonathan asked aloud. And to no one in particular. Which was just as well, as nobody answered him.

Whatever number it was, however, Jonathan was certain they had, if not doubled it at this point, at least surpassed it into the degree of overkill, and the goons were still dragging more in as Joker cackled maniacly somewhere in the next room.

All in all, Jonathan was bored. While burning buildings could be pretty to look at from time to time, watching clowns tripping over barrels lost it's humor pretty quick and the only interesting things to read in the room was the paperwork spawled out on the desk he was currently sitting on, and he wasn't that desperate yet.

The smell, however, was getting unbearable as the goons began dumping the smaller jugs of gasoline over the nearby surfaces, so Jonathan stood and made his way back to the entrance room, where Joker stood on a chair, gesturing with a knife in his hand.

"Ah, Jonny," Joker said, jumping off the chair. "We were just discussing who would, uh, set off the explosives."

Behind the Joker, three of the goods had grabbed a fourth, and were currently strapping bombs around the outside of his clothes.

"Is that necessary?" Jonathan asked.

"It's easy."

"True." Jonathan shrugged. "So why are we blowing up City Hall again?"

"We're introducing a little bit of chaos to the city."

"Right." Jonathan licked his lips. "Any reason I need to be in here?"

Joker blinked. "Uh, to watch it unfold?"

"Right. I'll be outside. I need some air."

The streets smelled of the recent rain; a hint of something fresh and cold mixed with the scent of dead, bloated worms, and the higher levels of water running through the sewers vented out though the grates. Still, it was better than gasoline, and Jonathan, contented enough with his knowledge of this part of the city, decided to venture a little further down the block.

This section of the city was peaceful tonight, outside the occasional siren sounding in the distance. Jonathan almost felt bad about them breaking the near silence with the explosion in just a few, short hours.

A taxi slowed as it passed him, but kept going when he refused to look up from the pavement, then the streets were clear again.

Jonathan had half expected the thug that stepped out of the alley before him, and really wasn't even surprised by the second one that stepped in behind him. It was when the third one stepped into place and Jonathan realized just how far he had walked that he silently cursed himself.

"Nice night for a stroll, eh?" The first thug asked, flipping open his pocket knife. "Wallet or your life."

The thug behind him had pulled out a gun and the third, a much bigger man, simply stood with his arms crossed, doing a damn good job of looking intimidating. Jonathan let out a frustrated sigh.

"How unfortunate for both of us; I seem to have forgotten it at home." Jonathan shrugged, pushing his hands into his pants pockets. "How about you let me run on home and we try this again sometime later?"

"Don't try to be smart, pretty boy," the thug with the gun said.

"Oh, I'm not. It just comes naturally with my IQ. Something I'm sure you don't understand."

Jonathan made no sound as the thug hit him with the butt of his gun, even as his glasses went flying, and the muscled thug stepped on them, purposefully shattering the lenses under his heels. Jonathan closed his eyes for a moment, fingers feeling the place of contact carefully before opening his eyes again.

"You're using that wrong," he said, before spraying the thug with his toxin and darting past him as he fell to the ground screaming. Mucles recieved a dose of the toxin second-hand as he crossed over to grab ahold of Jonathan and was now firmly rooted in place, absolutely still as he stared at some hallucinatory creature, allowing Jonathan to slip out of his grasp as to not attract the attention of the beast.

Unfortunately for Jonathan, the thug with the knife hadn't been in the way of the toxin, stupid on his part, really.

The thug pinned him to the wall, knocking the toxin can away, knife dangerously pressed against his throat as the man growled. "What the hell did you just do?"

"I took them places," Jonathan said, testing the other man's grip as the screams filled the otherwise still air. "Places they apparently didn't like to go."

"You fix them or so help me I will skin your pretty body alive and-"

The dark mass that decended upon them was surprisingly welcome, especially when it made the threatening idiot simultaniously shut up and get the knife away from his throat.

For a moment, Jonathan simply stared at The Batman as The Batman stared at him.

"I suppose you want a thank you?" Jonathan asked, surprisingly calm for being ambushed and then rescued by his 'nemisis' of a lifetime.

"What are you doing out here?" Batman asked. Jonathan shrugged.

"Got bored. Went for a walk."

"On the other side of town?"

Jonathan shrugged again. The Batman sighed.

"Your father's house is three blocks over."

"I know; I used to live there." Jonathan bent over to pick up his toxin can, putting it back in his pocket as the bat eyed him warily. "I'll walk there." There was a meaningful silence. "What, want me to take the rooftops?" More silence. Jonathan shifted uncomfortably. "By the way, Bruce, Joker's planning on setting City Hall on fire. Have fun with that."

The other man's head jerked to look down the street only to then doubletake at Jonathan, who smiled bitterly as he started walking.

AN: The end is nigh! Or something like that. I think. I thought that at chapter 14 and I was wrong, so we'll see. Sooo Jonny knows Bruce is Batman and Bruce knows Jonny knows. And I still don't know where this is going anymore. I need to rewatch Batman Begins again. And...not read fanfiction that is detrimental to my character pairings.


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